Tips for Sacred Surrender
One of the most impactful shifts for me came when I learned to surrender to my pleasure. I believe that we all have a capacity for how much joy, bliss, pleasure, and ecstasy that we will allow ourselves to enjoy. Early into my adulthood, my capacity was very low. Whenever I would be close to experiencing orgasm during sex, I would often cut myself off from the full experience. Call it dissociation, call it shame, call it whatever you want.. In that moment, I wouldn’t allow myself to open up to deeper layers of pleasure. I had subconsciously decided this was enough and that I wasn’t worthy of experiencing any more.
My journey into erotic embodiment and sacred surrender was sort of by accident. I was fumbling around with some meditation and yoga in an attempt to calm my vicious anxiety. I didn’t go seeking for a way to experience more wild, erotic, intimate, and connected pleasure, it found me! I will never forget the first time I felt my erotic energy in my own body. I was sitting in the shed behind my house in 10 degree weather (gotta love Michigan) with a space heater and a sweatshirt. It was a simple meditation to clear the chakras and I FELT, for the first time in my life, my own vibrational energy. I felt what it FEELS like to BE me. And holy fuck, it felt like BLISS. Like coming HOME.
Fast forward to the sex.. Now that I was tapped into my own energy, I began to notice just how often I was cutting myself off from pleasure. In those moments, I began to utilize techniques I was learning during meditation to lean back, relax, and allow the experience to unfold. It was a slow process. Sometimes, I would have past traumas come to the surface to be held and expressed. Sometimes, I would meet a lot of resistance and shame. But sometimes, and more and more as I practiced, I would truly surrender to myself, the moment, and my partner. And THOSE MOMENTS… holy fuck..
Here’s some tips that helped me shift from anxious and ashamed and unable to orgasm from penetrative sex to confident, expressive, and having multiple squirting orgasms!!
Start with your sexual relationship to yourself: The amount of pleasure that you are able to allow in from yourself, in your own body, is directly related to how much pleasure you will allow in from your partners and from life! Self pleasure can be a potent self love ritual. Take time to slow down, get intimately curious about your own sensations, and give yourself all of the love, care, adoration, and attention that you are desiring from others. It starts inside of you.
Meditate! A daily practice of meditation, especially sensual energy meditations or kundalini will help you become familiar with your own energy and sensations. I recommend developing your own pre-pleasure and post-pleasure rituals to clear your energy, prepare your body to receive pleasure, and integrate the new energies!
Be selective in your partners. This doesn’t mean limit your partners, I am a firm advocate in having as many sexual partners as you desire and have the capacity for (obviously practicing safely). However, being mindful that sex is a sacred energy exchange, we can ask ourselves if this person is someone we would like to be exchanging energy with. Don’t let crusty men who don’t care about your feelings inside you.
Develop a spiritual practice. This one may seem counterintuitive at first, but sex is a highly spiritual experience. The more you work through the old stories you were taught about sex and spirituality, the more you are able to see through the illusions and appreciate your sexual energy for the sacred life force that it is!
Breathe! If you find yourself resisting pleasure or you notice that you are cutting yourself off from pleasure, take a deep breath in through your nose and at the same time squeeze your sex organs (like you are doing kegels). When you exhale, RELAX every single muscle in your body and ALLOW it ALL IN!!
Take it slow and don’t set unrealistic expectations for yourself. Your body has learned to process pleasure in this way for a reason, and sometimes that reason is painful and hard and we would rather not deal with the feelings it brings up. However, when we can slow down, get wildly curious, and tune into our own sensations and experience, you can truly open yourself up to levels of pleasure and bliss you never knew existed. And more. And more. And EVEN FUCKING MORE!
And as always, if you are curious, please reach out to me! I love sharing the magic of sacred sensuality and guiding others into the delicious, never ending waterfall of pleasure that exists within each one of us. Book an intro call for free and learn more about my unique style of 1:1 erotic embodiment mentorship.
